totally serious custom moves

When you assemble an IKEA desk, roll + STR. On 10+, all three. On 7-9, choose one:

• No one is critical of the results
• You don't hurt yourself
• You don't have to ask for help

If you're rolling +Str, you should add "No parts snap and go rolling under the couch."

(I'm not sure how applicable this is to other states, but Rhody? Man, it's bad.)

When you go to the DMV, roll (just roll 2d6, no bonus - the DMV doesn't care how smart or strong or wise you are). On a 10+, choose one. On a 7-9, choose two. On a miss, leave right now in frustration or choose three.
- you're there for hours and hours and hours
- you actually need another form or check or something from somewhere else
- it costs you a lot of cash
- they foul it up somehow

When you watch too much TV, roll+int. On a hit, you take +1-forward to parley with anyone who's seen the same show. On a 7-9, also choose one.
- you're veged out; -1-int until you do something intellectual
- you're addicted; if you miss the next episode, you take -1-ongoing until you see it
- you're overly critical; if you write the show's staff an angry letter or rant about the show in public, mark XP
- you're a fanboy; the next time someone criticizes the show, if you confront them, mark XP

When you consider a trip to the restroom in the middle of the night, roll+Wis.  On a 10+, the GM will answer 2 questions.  On a 7-9, the GM will answer one.
-How deeply is the wife sleeping?
-What things are near the nightlight?
-What has the boy left strewn about for me to step on?
-Does the cat still hate me?

When you make a trip to the bar or bathroom half-way through the setlist, roll+dex. On a 10+, you make it there and back no problem. On a 7-9, choose one.
- Someone spills a drink on you
- Someone injures you (accidentally or on purpose)
- You can't find your way back to your friends
- They start playing your favorite song while you're going, but of course you can't hear it well

When you crack a joke, roll+cha. On a 10+, people will laugh whether it's funny or not. On a 7-9, their call if they laugh or not.

When you post to a roleplaying game forum while at work, roll+INT.  On a 10+, choose one.  On a 7-9, choose 2.
- Your post is garbled or lost
- You gain unwelcome attention from your boss or a coworker
- You lose track of time and are late for your next appointment.
- Your computer crashes once the post is completed.

When you watch the internet hoping someone finally replies to you, roll+CHA.  On a 10+ choose 1.  On a 7-9, choose 1 and have the GM choose 1:
- You get a response that is unrelated.
- You get a response that is moronic.
- You get a response only after an incredibly long period of time.
- You get a response that is illegible.

I made the joke last year at GenCon that "Roll + X" is the new "Save vs. X" when making jokes about stuff.