totally serious custom moves

[azrianni]

When you assemble an IKEA desk, roll + STR. On 10+, all three. On 7-9, choose one:

• No one is critical of the results
• You don't hurt yourself
• You don't have to ask for help

[mease19]

If you're rolling +Str, you should add "No parts snap and go rolling under the couch."

[Antisinecurist]

(I'm not sure how applicable this is to other states, but Rhody? Man, it's bad.)

When you go to the DMV, roll (just roll 2d6, no bonus - the DMV doesn't care how smart or strong or wise you are). On a 10+, choose one. On a 7-9, choose two. On a miss, leave right now in frustration or choose three.
- you're there for hours and hours and hours
- you actually need another form or check or something from somewhere else
- it costs you a lot of cash
- they foul it up somehow

When you watch too much TV, roll+int. On a hit, you take +1-forward to parley with anyone who's seen the same show. On a 7-9, also choose one.
- you're veged out; -1-int until you do something intellectual
- you're addicted; if you miss the next episode, you take -1-ongoing until you see it
- you're overly critical; if you write the show's staff an angry letter or rant about the show in public, mark XP
- you're a fanboy; the next time someone criticizes the show, if you confront them, mark XP

[mease19]

When you consider a trip to the restroom in the middle of the night, roll+Wis.  On a 10+, the GM will answer 2 questions.  On a 7-9, the GM will answer one.
-How deeply is the wife sleeping?
-What things are near the nightlight?
-What has the boy left strewn about for me to step on?
-Does the cat still hate me?

[Antisinecurist]

When you make a trip to the bar or bathroom half-way through the setlist, roll+dex. On a 10+, you make it there and back no problem. On a 7-9, choose one.
- Someone spills a drink on you
- Someone injures you (accidentally or on purpose)
- You can't find your way back to your friends
- They start playing your favorite song while you're going, but of course you can't hear it well

When you crack a joke, roll+cha. On a 10+, people will laugh whether it's funny or not. On a 7-9, their call if they laugh or not.

[MrPrim]

When you post to a roleplaying game forum while at work, roll+INT.  On a 10+, choose one.  On a 7-9, choose 2.
- Your post is garbled or lost
- You gain unwelcome attention from your boss or a coworker
- You lose track of time and are late for your next appointment.
- Your computer crashes once the post is completed.

When you watch the internet hoping someone finally replies to you, roll+CHA.  On a 10+ choose 1.  On a 7-9, choose 1 and have the GM choose 1:
- You get a response that is unrelated.
- You get a response that is moronic.
- You get a response only after an incredibly long period of time.
- You get a response that is illegible.

[skinnyghost]

I made the joke last year at GenCon that "Roll + X" is the new "Save vs. X" when making jokes about stuff.